Happy Adoption Day

Dear Zachary,

Tomorrow marks the day when it has been two years since you became my forever son, and I your forever dad. I still remember the day...we were part of the National Adoption Day celebration at Exploration Place. It was raining, but the rain was not going to stop us from anything that day... especially becoming a forever family.

We waited for our turn to see the judge. He said he had a cookie with the name Zachary on it, and wondered who it belonged to. You gingerly raised your hand, and were excited to get the treat.

The whole thing took less than two minutes... it was the 55 weeks before that day when we did all the work. We learned during that time how to be a family. I learned how to take care of you as you taught me new things every day. You were a very good teacher, and I was very lucky.

People tell me that you are so lucky to have been adopted, and that I have made such wonderful changes to your life. But they don't know what I know... I know that I am the one that is lucky. Being your dad has been nothing short of life changing. You have taught be patience, you have taught me the importance of forgiveness, you have taught me selflessness and how to treasure time. You have taught me that words can help, but they can sometimes hurt, so be careful with them. You have taught me how to teach shoe-tying, how to play tooth-fairy, and the best hiding places for the grown up snacks.

You have taught me how to kick around a soccer ball, how to survive a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party, and the exact temperature for macaroni and cheese. But the most important thing of all that you taught me is this: Loving a child and watching him grow is the best feeling in the world.... it is the best gift in the world... and that's why I am the lucky one. To receive this beautiful gift from you... the gift of unconditional love as I learn to be your dad... is a gift in which I can never repay. And that is why, I am the one who is lucky..... Lucky to be your dad and call you my son.

You are misunderstood, my dear son. The world does not always get to see you the way that I do... others do not get to see the way you will comfort during upset, the way that you take care of your cat like he is a human, the tenderness of your goodnight kisses, and the notes that you write for me. They do not get to see how you can follow directions, get yourself ready for school in the morning, and tell me that you love me...out of the blue. Someday, the world will get to see those things in you, but for now, I'll be the one cheering you on and sticking up for you as your learn your way around the hard parts.

As I think about our world and your future, I admit that I get nervous. But kid, you and I have been through a lot, and I don't think there is anything this world can throw at us that we can't handle. We have moved across town and now across the country and you have blindly followed your dad on all these adventures... holding my hand all along the way. I love you, my dear son, with my everything.

And that is why you are my hero. You have learned things that even grown-ups don't know how to do.. how to give the gift of unconditional love. You have so much to give the world.... I just hope the world is ready for you!

Happy Adoption Day. Thanks for picking me.

I love you.

Dad

Basketball

Dear Zachary,

Dad was not looking forward to eight weeks of basketball games and practices. But, I signed you up because you really wanted to play. I'm glad I did.... I got an opportunity to see your kindness and team spirit. I wish I was a dad that knew how to work with you and sports and home, or at least had the drive to try. But, there is plenty of time for that. You're only six now and we are just having fun.

Last week, you had the ball at a game and when your coach told you to pass it, you accidentally passed it so a player on the other team. A rude parent sitting close to me and obviously not knowing I was your father, made rude comments about you.Which is ironic because her son doesn't seem too interested in the game and doesn't play well.  Then at your next game, a parent had to be absent, and so her sitter made rude comments about you, saying you got the ball too much from the coach and it wasn't fair.  I wish these two adults knew what I'm about to tell you.

What the sitter didn't know is that today was your birthday party, and I told the coach that you might be very tired, and it was okay for you to just play the first quarter and sit out the rest of the game. That is why you got the ball so much the first quarter. It wasn't because you were a favorite, it was because the coach knew you'd be sitting out and wanted you to get to play at least a little.

She also didn't know that the little boy she was babysitting was your good friend that you've hung out with a lot and was invited to your party that day but couldn't come.

What the parent doesn't know is how kind you were trying to be to her kid, even though she was making rude comments about you. When we got into the car, you said to me, "You know that little guy that dribbles really little and never gets the ball?" I said, "Yes, what about him?" You said, "Well since he hasn't got to make a basket I tried a bunch of times to pass the ball to him, but he was never looking." I wonder how that parent who thinks you're so horrible would feel if she knew that you have never made a basket during a game either, and wanted him to make one first.

And that's why you're my hero. You care about other people and their feelings. Teachers, parents, and other adults see your trauma on the outside..... they don't know about the love you have on the inside. I can't wait until you get to a place that the world can see who you really are. You will shine bright.

I love you.

Dad

The Coin Challenge

Dear Zachary,

When I picked you up from school, you asked me how much money you could make by doing some extra chores.

I wasn't even sure you knew what "money" even was yet, so I was surprised by your question. I asked you why you needed extra money.

You said, "Well, at school whichever class can collect the most money gets all the money in the whole school to buy books for their classroom at the book fair, and I want our class to win."

I said to you, "Do you get books too, or just your class?" And you told me, "No, just the classroom. And my teacher gets some free books for her too."

I told you that we could go to the book fair together and pick out some books for you. You told me in your cute little argumentative style that you always use... "Well..... we could do that, but I already have enough books of my own. It would be better for other kids who don't have books to get some and my teacher needs books to help the kids in the room read better."

If this wasn't sweet enough, this is right in the middle of a time in which you don't seem to be adjusting well to kindergarten. You don't seem to be liking school all that much, and you tell me your teacher is way too bossy. So I was surprised you seem to want to please her. If only others knew how big your heart was, like I do!

But, even though you struggle emotionally, somehow your little 5 year old heart cares enough to make sure that everyone in your class has enough books to read. And that's why I love you.... and that's why we will make sure your class is going to win that coin challenge.

I love you,

Dad

You win some, you lose some.

Dear Zachary, 

Tonight we played Candy Land before bed. 

You wanted to go first, and I let you. You were excited to play, and I thought to myself how much I wished I could hold on to these years when you're little. These years when you get excited because you get to move two orange spaces instead of just one space in Candy Land.

You won our first game fair and square. When, I told you we could play again, and when I set up the pieces at the start line, you moved mine in front of yours. Then you said, "You can go first this time, Dad." I remember thinking that the thousands of dollars I've already spent in pre-k tuition was paying off: you were learning to take turns.

We played our second game, and you won again. You got lucky and drew the cupcake card that took you all the way to the top of the board. You were excited to win two times in a row. 

Our second game was pretty short, and we decided to play a third time. We played for a while, and it didn't take long before you were way ahead of me on the board. I wasn't even trying to let you win.... you did it all yourself. 

But this time, as you were only spaces away from the finish line, you drew the next card that would let you win the game. You looked at the card, and looked at me. Then you put it down and said, " Oh, it was your turn, you go." 

I told you that you were right and that it was your turn to play, and you said, "Well, I don't want to play because now I will win." Puzzled, I said, " Don't you want to win? You're supposed to want to win."

Then you smiled while showing off your freshly made fruit-punch mustache left over from dinner. You said, " I won the last two times, dad. I want you to win this time." And you moved my piece ahead of yours to the finish line. And said, "There you go. You win."

And I thought to myself, "What a great dad you'll be someday."

My little boy, showing empathy for his dad letting him win at Candy Land. And that's another reason why you're my son, and my hero. I love you. 

-Dad

Enough for us.

Dear Zachary,

Today, when I picked you up from preschool, you were excited to show me two neatly wrapped holiday gifts. You explained that one was for you, and one was for me.  Your teachers had made something for you, and put it in a neat little bag. You told me that you were the one that made my gift.

We worked our way through the cold wind, and to the car. It was already getting dark, and the wind had picked up. I told you I was ready for winter to be over, and you agreed. We had some errands to run, and we stopped at the store. You waited patiently while I returned a few things that I had purchased a few days before.

It was finally time to head home, and you were glad. You wanted pizza for dinner, and I told you that would be okay. Then you said, "Dad, I can't wait for you to open your present." I told you that I was excited, too. Then I asked, "Do you want me to open my present now, or do you want me to put it under the tree?" You said, "I think you should put it under the tree."

Then, just teasing you, I asked, "So, when we get home do you want to open your present now or do you want to put it under the tree, too?" I was pretty sure I knew how you were going to answer that one! But, you surprised me. Then you said, "I want to put mine under the tree, too."

I was not expecting you to want to wait to open a present, so I asked you why you wanted to wait. And the next thing you remarked was so sweet....

"Well, we need to put our presents under the tree so that Santa will know that we already have two presents. That way, he can make sure all the kids get enough."

You're my four year old little boy who is already developing empathy and care for those who have less than you. It's another reason why you're my son, and my hero.

Love,
Dad

Topsy, the Magic Elf

Dear Zachary,

Today we celebrated a quiet Thanksgiving together. A few days ago, I reminded you that "Topsy" the magic Elf on the Shelf would come to visit us on Thanksgiving night.

I wasn't sure if you would remember Topsy from last year, but you certainly did. You were excited all day for Topsy to come and visit, and asked me many times when he would arrive.

We played with your new "marble run" toy you got as a gift from our adoption reception. We played almost all afternoon. And, without a nap today, you got sleepy, early. You told me today that you wanted to do something nice for Topsy, and decided that you would find some toys for him that you didn't want anymore so that he would have something to play with.

As you sorted through your toys, I could tell there were a few things that you just couldn't part with, even for Topsy. But finally, you settled on some stacking cups that you've had for awhile and a little toy car.

"Do you think he will like these, dad?", you asked me with concern. I told you I thought they were perfect. And you smiled.

It was soon after that the door bell rang, and you came running up the stairs with excitement, knowing that Topsy had arrived. You were so excited to see him, and after we read the book, you rushed downstairs to get him the toys for your collection that you set aside especially for him.

You put the toys next to Topsy and smiled, then you said, 'I got these toys for you to play with while you're here."

You're quite attached to all your toys, but you were willing to share them with a magic Christmas Elf. It's another reason why you're my son, and my hero.

Love,
Dad

Dear Zachary,

Today, you had your annual check-ups at both the eye doctor and the dentist. Because Dad didn't know quite how long it would take to get there, we were 20 minutes early. Despite that you had nothing to do, you played quietly the whole time with your Batman toy....the only thing we had with us. You waited patiently while I completed paperwork.

When we got to the first doctor, you read the letters on the chart without any problems. When the nurse got to the part of the exam when they blow air into your eyes, I was almost sure you'd freak out. Instead, you did better than dad does with that! You even let them dilate your eyes and didn't conplain at all. Both the doctor and his assistant said how well-behaved you were and that you did better than even some of the older kids they see.

Then, it was time for the dentist. They took x-Rays of your teeth without any problems- even though the whole time another little boy probably at least your age or maybe older was clearly pretty scared in the next room over! Then, when it was time to clean your teeth, you sat still like you had done it a million times before. Finally, when the dentist's assistant wanted to floss your teeth, you said, "Let me try" and took the flosser right out of her hand and insisted on flossing your own teeth. And, you did a great job for your first try.

While waiting for the dentist, you and I talked about the prize you got from the eye doctor and played quietly while we waited our turn. There were several kids that were very scared, and you just waited patiently without one ounce of fear or hesitation. When the dentist finally got to us, you didn't like her blowing air on your teeth, but you let her do it anyway. She seemed busy and wasn't very patient with you, so that probably didn't help.

After we were done,  the dentist's assistant said that you were one of the very best kids your age that they had seen in a long time, and that her job would be easy if everyone was as well-behaved as you.

So, you're only four, and you're not afraid of the dentist or the eye doctor. It is another reason why you're my hero. It's easy to be your dad. I love you.


Love,

Dad